Wisdom from the Weird

Old Cabbage at Sea

2009-01-07T15:14:00.000-08:00

Thank you Kraken, for straitening me out. There are a few topics on the table. I must catch my breath from all of the excitement and make a list. You at home may of course use your own prefered organizational technique. But in the name of all things decent:

1. You are a fool to believe that cheap perfume doesn't stink like Chanel on an old cabbage at sea

2. Deborah Gibson is a dolt compared to teenage nemesis Tiffany

46. A 7th grade Kraken is a fine specimen of all things adoleSCENT

electric blue is my favorite color,

pearl

Make A Statement Without Saying A Word

2009-01-07T12:19:00.000-08:00

One can REALLY make a statement if one dares wear the perfume packaged in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point.

Sure, I'll admit it - I wore the shit out of "Exclamation" as a pre-teen. I liberally showered myself in it, like every other girl in the 7th grade, in the hopes that someone would notice the scent and make comment on my "exclamation".

Sadly, it mixed in with all the other troubling, desperate scents of adolesence.
Sweat, armpit, unwashed hair...and United Colors of Benetton, anything by Prince Matchebelli, and a handful of Avon parfums (if you will).

Love's Baby Soft, on the other hand, was too subtle to be regarded as contemporary or interesting.
Actually, I had a cousin who wore it that always sort of annoyed me - so, I decided a long time ago to hate it.
And I'll stand by that.

Granted, I don't remember what the fuck "Electric Youth" smelled like, but Debra Gibson (as she prefers to be called these days) was no Tiffany. And if there had been a Tiffany cologne I would have surely bought it, as I have a sneaking suspicion that Tiffany got WAY more play than Goody Goody Debbie.

AFTER ALL, "I THINK WE'RE ALONE NOW" WAS ABOUT THE INEVITABLE ACT OF "DOING IT".

The Kraken
xox

2009-01-07T11:54:00.000-08:00

And for Christ's sake, Exclamation! changed an entire generation of Debbie Gibson lovers into women.

2009-01-07T11:53:00.001-08:00

Kraken,
What say you regarding Love's Baby Soft?

oxo,
Pearl

2009-01-07T08:51:00.000-08:00

Thank you Kraken, for the swift uptake.

Jean Nate' is an after bath splash: ie. a mixture of alcohol and alcohol based perfume so lively one spash will instantly dry and bestink your freshly washed skin!
Enjoy it with the matching asbestos laced talc powder that comes with the gift set you bought with your coupon at CVS and infuse the scent for a confident; albiet poisonous, flair.

Caution my pretties that you aren't sexed to death by the hoards of men craving the crisp citrus au du toilette (also in your gift set).

The lemony fresh appeal of Jean Nate' is so quintessentially late 80's that even George Micheal himself would have a hard time keeping his paws off of you, if just for the trip down memory lane.

For Bath Time, For Fun Time, Just For You, It's A Dream Come True

2009-01-06T21:25:00.000-08:00

Remember this little number?
This was the aromatic staple for women in the 80's.

It always came in this giant bottle. There was no option about how much of this putrid stuff you wanted to wear. A lot came out of the bottle and that's how much you put on.
Half the time, you were wiping your hands on your jeans to dry off the excess...only to accidentally stick your finger in your mouth when you were twirling your gum in home room and poison yourself good.

Revlon's still cranking out Jean Nate (there's an accent on the "e", but I don't know how to include it)...check it out and pick up a bottle of concentrated cologne spray or silkening body powder for your favorite be-wigged, chain smoking aunt.

xox
The Kraken

Pearl's Squirrels

2009-01-06T19:16:00.000-08:00

Top of the mornin to ya...
I am having a manic meltdown over the fact that someone high off in a tower somewhere thinks that you or I or someone we know or may bump into a Kmart would willfully smell like Brittany Spears, or Shakira or Paris for that matter.
A real diva smells a lot more like Aretha and a lot less like fresh driven snow.

That'll do sir.
Whatever happened to a little thing we used to call Babysoft?

Love,
Pearl